Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Publishers Choice: Holy Socks and Dirtier Demons

Publishers Choice: Holy Socks and Dirtier Demons

Barnes & Noble:

A thirty-something ex-soldier, a narcissistic angel, a Zen-spouting Buddhist, and a demonic feminist search for a kidnapped Baby Jesus in an attempt to stop the coming revelation.

     I drove the Gremlin through the deserted streets of Newark, New Jersey, with trepidation. Lilith, in the seat next to me, flexed her fingers on a big-ass gun, a .50 caliber Smith & Wesson Magnum 500 big-ass gun. This gun could take out a brick wall, three bodies, and a cow if fired right.
     “It’ll be okay.” I glanced at her for the tenth time, reassuring her more than myself. After all, I had nine lives and a moronic angel to watch my back. What did Lilith have? Me. Yep, she was good as fucked.
     “Stop saying that!” The crack of her palm against my jeans clad leg emphasized her desire for me to shut up. “Let’s just find the child and get the hell out of here.”
     While that was my plan, I couldn’t help but think it would be nice to know who pulled the strings. Neutralize that threat, and I’d have no more worries.
     The obvious answer was Satan, but why? And why now? The Alpha and the Omega guaranteed one thing, real estate prices in hell were about to skyrocket.
     “Pull in there.” Tapping the Jesus GPS planted in the dashboard of her Gremlin, Lilith grinned, and then pointed to a dark underground parking garage in the worst section of the city. Even the cops refused to stumble around down there.
     I did as she asked, braking hard as we slipped through the concrete structure. “You’ll be able to track the kid?”
     She nodded, pulling the Jesus GPS from the dashboard. It resembled a cell phone but thinner. We exited the car, taking a minute to adjust to the stench of New Jersey, and car exhaust. Once we got our bearings, she booted the GPS up, and blinked at the glaring beaming of light that burst from it.
     I jumped back, afraid of being burned by the whiteness. The light circled the car, and exploded into fifteen different glowing pinpoints.
     One of the beams shot through my chest. An odd feeling, sort of like a caress, but amplified by a couple thousand volts. It wasn’t exactly painful, but it also wasn’t a feeling I’d want to repeat. The light winked out after a few seconds, and I felt saddened by the departure.
     “What the hell was that?” I rubbed at the place where human had met flashlight.
     “Have you ever heard the saying: God works in mysterious ways?” Lilith smiled, and pointed the tracking device into the air. The beam changed from a stream of white lights into one beacon of blue. “He’s close.”
      A trace of sulfur swirled around us. “He’s not the only one. Move it.” I pushed Lilith toward the underground elevator, but it was too late.
Five demons appeared. Pishachas, or Hindu demons by the look of them. Bulging veins, red eyes, and the stench of curry swirled around them like a chorus line in a Bollywood musical.
     “Liyliyth.” They danced in unison, tails wagging. “We missed you.”
     “Friends of yours?” I gestured to Lilith and pulled my nine-millimeter.

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